When Suicide Prevention Becomes Personal
In my first year as a school counselor, we lost two students to suicide within 24 hours of each other. I felt deeply unprepared for the intensity of that experience and the waves of emotion that followed. Losing two middle schoolers so suddenly made me question whether I—and our systems—were doing enough.
In the middle of grief and self-doubt, I needed something steady—something that reminded me my role wasn’t to do everything, but to build systems that protected students. This experience changed how I view my role as a school counselor. It pushed me toward a deeper passion for systems-level work. During this time, the ASCA Model became a lifeline. It made the department data-driven and proactive, which I knew we absolutely needed. This was a matter of suicide prevention.
In the days that followed, something else became painfully clear. Their friends had noticed the warning signs—but they stayed silent; they didn’t want to break trust. I was brand new, still learning what ‘normal’ looked like in this role, but I knew something about how we were approaching prevention wasn’t working. Their friends may have recognized the signs, but they didn’t have the language—or the confidence—to know what to do when a friend confided in them. That realization forced me to ask a harder question:
If students can see the signs, why aren’t they acting on them?
Why Peer Response Matters in Suicide Prevention
Research consistently shows that peers are more likely to disclose to their peers than adults when a student is struggling with suicidal thoughts (Gould et al., 2003). Yet without clear guidance, many students interpret silence as loyalty.
After the losses, we sat together and talked through all the signs people had noticed. The room filled with grief—and with survivor’s guilt. It wasn’t that students didn’t care. It was that no one had ever taught them what caring looked like in those moments.
When schools don’t intentionally teach students how to respond, silence becomes part of the culture. And silence, especially around mental health, can be dangerous. The ASCA Model emphasizes that student outcomes—not adult intentions—are the true measure. If students can recognize distress but don’t know how to respond, that’s not a student failure—it’s an instructional gap.
What Most Suicide Prevention Efforts Miss
Looking back, I didn’t have the language to name it yet—but what was missing was clarity on how to best prevent this from happening again. Most suicide prevention efforts focus on adult awareness, leaving a critical gap. The gap comes from being taught what the warning signs are—but not what to do next. Prevention isn’t just recognition; it’s action.
Many trainings I’ve attended center on adults as the primary responders, while students are treated as passive observers. However, students need preventative lessons and a common language around suicide, so they can approach adults when they’re worried—without being labeled a snitch or feeling like they’re betraying a friend.
One of the most important shifts the ASCA Model helped me make was recognizing that prevention is instructional. If we expect students to act in moments of concern, we have to teach the skill explicitly—just like we would with academic or career skills.
At that time, I had a hard time finding good suicide prevention lessons that focused on students. This gap motivated me to create the resource I wished I had during those early and overwhelming days.
Suicide Prevention in School Culture
Through reflection, experience, and research, I learned that prevention is most effective when embedded into everyday school practices rather than a reaction to crises. This lesson is intentionally aligned with the ASCA Student Standards, making suicide prevention a structured and sustainable part of the counseling program.
Students should be explicitly taught to:·
- Recognize warning signs: Early awareness creates the opportunity for timely, life-saving support. Signs can include withdrawal, mood swings, giving away belongings, or talking about hopelessness.
- Talk to a trusted adult: Caring about a friend means connecting them with help—not carrying the crisis alone.
- Normalize “telling as care”: Students learn that protecting a friend’s safety matters more than keeping a secret, reducing fear and guilt.
Embedding these skills through discussion prompts and realistic scenarios ensures students feel confident taking action and removes the question of “what should I do?”
Using ASCA standards as a guide ensures students aren’t just hearing information—they’re practicing real-life decision-making skills.
How This Lesson Supports Student Safety
This lesson was created from what students needed—and what I wish I’d had early in my career. The lesson is designed to help counselors teach students how to support friends safely, reduce fear around “breaking trust,” and build shared language around help-seeking before a crisis occurs. It ensures the work counselors are already doing is intentional, preventative, and aligned with how students learn and respond.
This research-informed resource includes ready-to-use activities that help students understand what a mental health crisis can feel like, identify subtle warning signs, and recognize why silence can be dangerous.
Through realistic scenarios, students practice how to respond:
- Scenario: Jaden makes dark jokes like, “I won’t be around for finals anyway.”
- Discussion: Students evaluate options—ignore it, try to fix it alone, or tell a trusted adult.
- Outcome: They learn the “bridge” role—connecting peers to help without taking on emotional responsibility themselves.
I created this lesson from lived experience. I wished for a structured, research-informed resource that would give both students and counselors a roadmap for prevention before a crisis occurred.
The ASCA Model helped shift my thinking from “Did I respond well?” to “Did students gain a skill?” Prevention became less about reacting to emergencies and more about building a culture where students knew what to do before one ever happened. The ASCA Model didn’t give me more to do—it helped me do the work that mattered most, with the intention to change the school culture around student safety.
Melissa
A Couple Counselors 
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